The Bathroom Question
Cis women are safest if trans women use women's spaces.
Someone recently asked me this: Why should we let trans women use women’s restrooms, locker rooms, and other “women’s spaces”?
Fundamentally, the question is this: When using a gendered space, should people use the one that corresponds to their gender identity or their sex assigned at birth?
My view: either trans men or trans women will be using women’s spaces. Trans women are shown not to be predators. And it’s easier for a male predator to pretend to be a trans man than a trans woman. Therefore, it’s safer for cis women if they share a restroom with trans women than with trans men. And trans women are far safer using women’s rooms than using men’s rooms.
Read on for my full discussion supporting this, but if that was enough for you, don’t forget to subscribe to Wonderfully Made before you leave!
The Experience of a Trans Woman
First, I wrote this on twitter recently about what it’s like to use a public restroom as an early-transition trans woman.
FYI: Using a men’s room (if in boy mode) is getting scarier the longer my transition goes. On days I don’t wear makeup, using a women’s room is scary and then exiting to see some guy standing there scowling at me (today) is also terrifying. Will I ever get attacked? Don’t know.
The reason I fear men is because I don’t know if they’ve been listening to some anti-trans voice telling them it’s their job to assault me and “defend women”. Heck, if they have AirPods in, they could be listening to that right now. All it takes is wrong place, wrong time.
One person responded:
So sometimes you use the men’s and other times the women’s? I’m just trying to understand. I never thought about it from your point of view and it seems very difficult.
And that resulted in me sharing the following:
Ok, so … I’m early transition (nebulous - I’ve been on hormones for 6 months, and had no surgeries). At this point in my transition, I sound masculine, I’m 6’2”/250lbs, and my hair is longer but androgynous in cut unless I really work to style it.
My face still looks masculine if I don’t have makeup on. I also still grow facial hair, so if I haven’t shaved today, it’s an instant masculine look.
So… some days I need to be somewhere and I just didn’t have time to get my makeup on, or shave, and so I will “boy mode” - which is when a trans woman chooses to wear “masculine” clothes.
If I boy mode these days, I still look like a femme man:
Longer hair
Ears pierced
Painted nails (typically)
And maybe a couple other cues
And I always wear women’s underwear, not men’s (this is called “underdressing” and is very common among closeted trans people).
These days I also wear a sports bra most of the time, because it’s:
Affirming
I need it for support and coverage, particularly if I’m in boy mode.
But there’s nothing less “manly” than wearing a bra. And straps can easily become visible.
This is why trans women early transition are famous wearers of hoodies. It covers up anything we might want to cover.
Result: if I am in “boy mode”, I would make women very uncomfortable if I used the women’s room. I don’t look feminine, and most service workers call me “sir”. So I can’t use the women’s room.
But if I use the men’s, and someone sees my bra strap, or my underwear is showing while at a urinal (which I rarely use anymore), I could be in real trouble. These days I might have my Moana loungefly backpack or my Pride lanyard that send even more queer vibes. (When worn by me).
Still, if I’m in “boy mode”, I prioritize the felt safety of the women over the actual safety of me.
In California I have a right to use the women’s room at any time now (you use restrooms according to your gender identity, not documentation). But rights don’t mean I won’t get beat up or stalked out to my car or something, and there’s no cameras in restrooms (obviously).
So… it’s complicated. Facial feminization surgery, laser hair removal, and continued lengthening of my hair will all make it easier to go “girl mode” even on short notice. (I would still be obviously trans, which is fine - just trying to avoid being mistaken for “cis1 man”)
I don’t share any of that to say “because I feel unsafe in mens rooms, that settles the question.” But I do want people to be aware of the experience, and the way it all feels to me.
Options
So what do we do? I think it’s helpful if we realize there are basically four options:
Option 1: Ban gender transition
If you believe trans people don’t exist, then that’s a point of view and it would lead you to this. But that’s not an argument that trans people shouldn’t be in some space. That’s an argument that trans people shouldn’t be in any space. All available literature shows that this approach would result in high rates of mental health issues and suicide for trans people (Wikipedia, The Trevor Project, Julia Serano (who here summarizes the available scientific literature on gender affirming care), and 30 medical organizations).
Option 2: End communal spaces of undress
I’m 1000000% for this. I hated undressing in locker rooms at all ages, and so do most people I know. And it’s even worse now that I’m trans. Single-stall, gender-neutral restrooms are great and should be standard everywhere. For locker rooms, again, more privacy for everyone is a good thing. This option helps everyone and I’m in favor of making it normal code for everywhere. But that’s not going to happen overnight, and I actually see very few conservatives pushing for it, which seems odd to me, unless their concern is not actually about people’s safety in locker rooms.
Option 3: “Use sex assigned at birth”
In this scenario, trans men would be using women’s rooms, while trans women would use men’s rooms. Trans men can end up being able to pass2 as cis men, even including their voice. This is not true of all, or maybe even most cis men. But it does happen. In this case, even trans men who look and sound exactly like cis men, would be required to use women’s spaces.
(I’ll analyze this one after introducing Option 4)
Option 4: “Use sex according to gender identity”
In this scenario, trans women can use women’s rooms, but trans men cannot. Which means the people typically using women’s rooms will be those who are mostly presenting as female (even if, like me, they don’t “pass”).
Analysis of Options 3 and 4
As long as trans people exist (we do) and single-stall spaces aren’t available (they don’t, but let’s change that), we as a society have to choose between either options 3 and 4. Trans people, of course, very much prefer option 4.
Who’s making the decision?
But, I’ve heard people say, trans people are less than 1% of everyone! Why should cis folk have to accommodate them? Well first, by that logic you can throw out any accommodation for blind, deaf, or otherwise disabled folks. The simple answer is: because we want an inclusive society where everyone can flourish, even if that means most of us have to give up something in order for a few of us to get by easier.
But let’s actually consider who’s making this decision. Some have said, “shouldn’t cis people get a say?” And the answer is: right now trans people have almost no say at all. Trans people represent:
0 of 116 supreme court justices in our nation’s history.
0 of 46 presidents in this nation’s history.
0 of the 535 members of the US house of representatives or US Senate (now – but also ever).
0 of the 50 governors of the United States (now, but also ever).
There are 8 trans people *ever* who have been elected to their state house/senate/assembly/etc, meaning less than 20% of states have had a trans representative at the state level. 77 trans people have held public office at all. In the entire country. At any level. Ever.
In other words, trans people can’t do a thing without cis people agreeing. Every right given to trans people is given by almost entirely cis people. Trans people comprise less than 1% of the population, which means that even if *all* of us voted one way, it’d be completely offset if the rest of the country went 50.5% the other way. So literally every law affecting trans people is made by cis people, not by trans folks.
So the real question is this: why have cis people decided that they should share restrooms with people of the same gender identity, not the same birth sex?
There’s the aforementioned disability argument. But I think there’s actually a better rationale than just altruistic allies. One that everyone should be able to get on board with.
Using gender identity is actually safer for cis women than using birth sex.
There are two primary dangers cited for letting trans women use women’s restrooms.
“Trans women are predators”
“Trans women aren’t predators, but it makes it easy for a predator to just say ‘I’m trans!’”
Are Trans women predators?
In a word, no. But I get why you might think that. The media has loved depictions of the trans predator for decades. Videoessayist Lindsay Ellis breaks down the history, going back to Psycho. And the Netflix documentary Disclosure: Trans Lives on Screen covers even more trans history in media.
First, there a lot of evidence that trans women themselves do not pose any risk to cis women:
Statistics Show Exactly How Many Times Trans People Have Attacked You in Bathrooms (mic.com)
And here's wikipedia summarizing the evidence: Bathroom bill - Wikipedia
Includes this study showing there is no evidence for increased risk to cis women: The Transgender Bathroom Debate at the Intersection of Politics, Law, Ethics, and Science | Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law (jaapl.org)
And as those show, there’s basically no evidence that trans women are a threat to cis women at all, despite the fact that such a case would get huge coverage by conservative media.
It opens the door for predators
“But if trans women can use women’s rooms, all a guy has to do is say ‘I’m a woman’ and then he can use the women’s room! It lets predators in!” This is the argument that’s less rooted in an unsubstantiated fear of trans people as perverted predators, and more rooted in the actually pretty reasonable question: “If all someone has to do to enter women’s spaces is claim to be a woman, doesn’t that put women at risk?”
But the question for gets one thing: trans men need a restroom, too.
So the question is this: if the choice is between trans men or trans women using women’s restrooms, which option makes it easiest for predators to enter through merely stating “I belong here.”
Also, remember: sexual assault is a felony in every state. Even if a predator gains access, the act committed is a felony. What we’re talking about is basically: “What’s the best kind of lock to put on the door to make it harder to do something much more illegal than trespassing.”
So let’s imagine a predator trying to do three things:
Predator claims to be a cis woman
This option is of course available regardless of what the rules around trans people are.
To do this, the predator needs to adopt an appearance that is feminine enough that they won’t get challenged when walking into a women’s space. Drag queens are quite capable of this (drag queens are typically cis men who have not undergone any kind of medical transition - many look quite masculine when not performing). And the movie Mrs. Doubtfire (among others) centered around cis men doing exactly this. Is it a lot of work? Sure. But it’s possible, particularly if they are only needing to maintain the act briefly and so they can keep speaking to a minimum and not have people examine their look too much.
Predator claims to be a trans woman
This would be required if trans women use women’s restrooms.
To do this, the predator needs to be able to say they are a trans woman. That’s easier than passing as a cis woman, as most trans women can attest. But it’s not insignificant. I was terrified the first couple times I went out presenting feminine. You need makeup, feminine clothes, shoes, a purse probably, etc to at least look like you’re trying to look feminine. Could you be presenting masculine and just say “I’m a trans woman but in boy mode today?” Yes, but it would still have everyone on guard.
Predator claims to be a trans man
This is what would be required if trans men use women’s restrooms.
The predator is a cis man. For a cis man to present as a trans man, all he has to do is… say, “I’m a trans man.” Unless we’re going to be checking DNA samples at the door, there’s no way to tell that the cis man is lying.
Summarizing
If a predator wanted access to women’s spaces, they would very much prefer the scenario where they can just walk in while presenting as masculine as they want. No disguise is necessary in any way. They just have to say “I’m a trans man.” And they might not even need to say that, because we would have normalized very masculine people using women’s rooms pretty regularly (1/100 people are trans).
This means that even if you don’t care about the safety of trans people at all, and all you care about is the safety of cis women, then people using the restroom that matches their gender identity is still better.
One last caveat
There is interesting conversation to have about communal showers and dressing rooms where people are routinely naked. Most trans women still have “male” genitalia, for a variety of reasons (surgery is expensive and intense - though hormones do alter the appearance of the genitalia). And many trans men have “male” genitalia. So this is an issue regardless of the rule. But if cis women don’t want to see male genitalia in the women’s locker room, then the right solution is to provide single-stall dressing spaces for all who want to use them. If enough were provided, a gym could even require their use by everyone. As someone who has never, ever wanted to see naked men in the men’s locker room, count me as a supporter of this plan.
Wrapping up
Ok - so that’s a very, very long way of saying this: using gender identity to determine which restroom to use is actually the safest option for both cis women and trans women.
An encouragement
As always, I want to leave you with an encouragement. Today, I’ll say this: the body you were given, and are trying to protect, is a wonderful gift from God. No matter what it looks like, it’s precious and so are you. Your instinct to protect yourself, women, children, and maybe even trans people, is noble and good - be proud of that! And thank you for reading this far - it shows you’re wrestling with this topic with the seriousness it deserves.
The word “cis” has become a flashpoint for some conservatives who claim it is a slur. This is a misunderstanding by them of what the word means. All the word means is “same”, and a “cisgender” person is someone whose gender identity and sex assigned at birth are the same. The word is latin, originally, and commonly used in chemistry. Put simply, “cis” means “not trans”, and is as much a slur as “tall”, “white”, or “male” is. Some people, particularly anti-trans voices, will use the phrase “biological men” instead of “cis men”, but trans people object because many trans people (and many scientists) say that trans men are also biological men, because the mind is biological, and the mind is where gender identity exists. I’ll do a future article on that science, but for now: “cis” just means “not trans”, and myself and most trans people mean nothing pejorative by it in its typical use. You can read more about it on wikipedia.
“Passing” is a complicated topic. Put simply, it means “being able to interact with people without them knowing you are trans.” A trans person should never be expected to be able to pass, and some never will. Here, I simply am using the phrase to mean “is not distinguishable from”.
Thanks for explaining it like this! As you know, I'm also in favor of single-stall option, but I had only intuited a lot of the things you laid out clearly, which I appreciate.