Nex is still dead
A desperate plea regarding the election
Trigger Warnings for anti-trans sentiment and violence.
It’s too late. And.
Nex Benedict is dead.
We can still save others.
But Nex will still be dead.
I wrote those words about the death of 16-year-old non-binary teen Nex Benedict in February, in a post I never managed to finish because I couldn’t find the words. I spent over a month trying.
Then I couldn’t really find words for anything else anymore because those are the words that had to be said before I could say anything else.
I tried to write about the election. I wanted to. But I could not, because…
Nex is still dead.
If we each see the world through our own lenses, my lens was irreparably changed that day.
Now, it’s 8 months later.
And I will finally say what I need to:
Nex is still dead.
And so are too many others.
The Death of Nex Benedict
Wikipedia says this is what happened to Nex Benedict, an Oklahoman non-binary teenager with indigenous heritage, age 16:
According to Benedict's mother and friends, Benedict had been bullied by classmates about their gender identity for more than a year before their death. On February 7, 2024, Benedict was involved in a physical altercation in the girls' restroom at Owasso High School. The following day, Benedict collapsed in their living room and was later pronounced dead.
If you’re wondering: Nex was assigned female at birth. The girls’ room was the one they were supposed to be in. The fight began with others harassing Nex, and their eventual physical attacks on Nex required treatment at a hospital. Their death the next day was ruled a suicide, undoubtedly due to the crushing weight of escalating bullying. But that ruling masks the truth: Nex was killed by hate.
This election
So, there’s an election on November 5th.
“Politics? Really?” I can practically hear some of you now. And believe me, I’d love to talk about anything else. But this comic puts it succinctly: My existence has been made political.
But I do not want to write posts like this. Posts like this literally exist because my rights and protections as a transgender person are being debated in the public square. My oldest kid’s right to know they will be treated well by their teachers is being brought before the Supreme Court. And the same goes for so many others in my life.
Just yesterday, Odessa, TX put a $10,000 bounty on trans people using the “wrong” restroom.
Here is a comparison of Erin Reed’s youth anti-trans risk map from Early 2023 vs. Today1. Over 1,000 anti-trans laws have been proposed in that time. The most important thing I can note about these maps is that Reed was right in her assessments. Every state she categorized as moderate-to-high risk has either stayed there or moved to “worst active anti-trans laws”. When trans people say we are under attack, please listen - we’re not being dramatic.
Which is all to say: this matters.
We are not a punch line
Nex, who used they/them pronouns, was killed by anti-trans hate this year. You would think that would spark a national outcry, unity in protecting our trans kids.
Imagine my rage several weeks ago the first time I heard these words2, during an ad while watching a football game:
Narrator: “Kamala’s for they/them. President Trump is for you.”
Donald Trump: “I’m Donald J. Trump and I approved this message.”
Anti-trans people are creating an “other” to be feared, in order to distract from more important issues3. This is a tactic of fascism, in the technical sense of that word4. It also makes our lives not worth protecting, in the eyes of many5.
Let me say it clearly: my non-binary child deserves to not be used as a punch line in a political campaign.
Transgender activist Raquel Willis accurately called these ads6 “very disgusting”:
The attack
"President Trump’s Plan to Protect Children from Left-Wing Gender Insanity" came out over a year ago, but it is still cited on Trump’s own campaign site as part of his “Agenda47” plan. It’s less than four minutes, and I recommend watching it yourself.
In addition to the repeated uses of a mocking tone and words like “insanity” and “ridiculous”, the key phrase used is “at any age”. Anyone who has a health care plan funded in part by the Affordable Care Act, Medicaid, Medicare, or just because they work for the federal government, would have their gender affirming care defunded, which effectively blocks the more expensive aspects like gender affirming surgeries for many trans people without the ability to pay for it themselves. As I have said before, getting my facial feminization surgery was vital to my ability to thrive. And maybe it’s the least important thing, but his claim that trans people are new is just wrong. Even “Little Women” author Louisa May Alcott said, in 1884, “I am more than half-persuaded that I am, by some freak of nature, a man’s soul put into a woman’s body.” We have always been here.
Trump’s policies would likely threaten my health care7, and they absolutely would for any trans minor in the country. They would result in me having ID that doesn’t match my gender, and potentially legal discrimination in health care, housing, and employment.
His policies may result in my kid’s teachers being required to misgender them (and me). I am strongly considering going into teaching, and this would require schools and students to refer to me as “Mr. Irwin” (he/him), which of course there’s no way I could do all day every day.
Of course, none of that captures the impact of rhetoric teaching the country to hate trans people.
Trump has falsely spread a lie that schools are performing gender affirming surgeries and has continued to spread the same lie for weeks despite fact checks.
He’s continually (and again, falsely) mocked Algerian boxer Imane Khelif as being transgender, despite her being assigned female at birth.
Beyond that, Trump’s words and policies feed the culture of hate toward us. You can see it in the reaction at Trump’s rallies when he drops his line about “Critical Race Theory” and “transgender insanity”:
Countless Republicans have said unbelievably cruel things about trans people, and influential conservative media personality Michael Knowles said (at CPAC 2023) that “transgenderism must be eradicated from public life.”
And the list goes on and on and on - there’s very few days I don’t see something that reminds me of how much some of the country hates and fears me and other trans people.
And yes, Project 2025 is even worse, though I know Trump claims to have nothing to do with it, and I hope I’ve made my point even without that, so I’ll just put that one in a footnote.8
The effect of all of that is real-world harm, fear of anti-trans violence, and dread of what happens under a Trump second term, leading to mental health impacts broad and deep. The creation of that fear is intentional, because they believe they can silence us (and to some extent, they are correct - notable trans people get doxxed and swatted frequently). People like Matt Walsh9 and Chaya Raichik10 have knowingly engaged in anti-trans rhetoric that has led to bomb threats toward schools and hospitals, as well as actual harassment1112.
In short, a Trump presidency could make this country unlivable for me and my family.
A transgender person is confronted with two difficult options: either they can do what most cis people would find unthinkable, and live as a gender that is not theirs; or they can transition, and feel authentic in their bodies, but become objects of ridicule and hate. A good day for me has only stares, accidental misgenderings, or culturally present transphobia. A bad day includes death threats or millions of dollars of ad money going into my demonization.
On November 20th, the transgender community will mark Transgender Day of Remembrance. This painful day is one for remembering those trans people we have lost to violence in the past year - at least those we know about. So many of them are so young. Too few of them are old. The majority of them are black. Black trans women suffer from at least three forms marginalization and many live lives of precarity. One in five transgender Americans have experienced homelessness, and that rate only goes up for black trans women.
Kids are dying
In September, a new study by Nature Human Behavior showed that anti-trans laws being passed had a direct causal impact on suicide rates amongst trans teens: increasing attempts by as much as 72%. Even more concerning, the data for that study ran from 2018-2022, which means it excludes the impact of that barrage of anti-trans laws proposed and passed in 2023 and 2024.
This month, the CDC reported that 26% of trans high schoolers had attempted suicide in the past year, with 10% of trans teens requiring medical treatment for a suicide attempt. Over half had seriously considered it (that would have included me, in high school). These rates are far higher than their cisgender counterparts.
And regarding those cisgender teens, the rising mental health issues particularly affecting teenage girls have resulted in all manner of public policy proposals and ideas for what’s causing this, in hopes of reducing it. Meanwhile, the laws being passed in red states are now scientifically shown to increase rates of suicide amongst trans teens.
My math: this all adds up to likely more than one suicide death of a trans high schooler per day13.
Anti-trans laws increase that by as much as 72%. If applied across the country, we’re talking about adding another dead trans kid every day. Read that sentence as many times as you need to.
Which means that Nex is not rare, except in that we’ve heard of them.
And my amazing non-binary teen enters high-school next year.
Worth more
But transgender people deserve better, and we have so much to give. Trans joy is incredible.
I deeply loved the shot of Harper Steele in the Netflix documentary “Will & Harper”, riding shotgun with Will Ferrell driving, with her freshly pedicured toes up on the dash, giggling to herself.
My own life has been dramatically improved by my transition, and I think you’ll see the joy in this photo:
We are beautiful, radiant people. We’re creative, hilarious, kind, compassionate, and more.
And if our safety and wellbeing isn’t enough, how about yours?
Gender affirming care is for everyone. We just need more of it.
Men: Taking Viagra or testosterone supplements? That’s gender affirming care. How about Rogaine or other hair loss treatments? Same.
Women: So many things - from the skin care products to the makeup to the cosmetic surgeries to hair removal services. All of it. Gender affirming care.
But moreover, and I will continue to say this over and over: we do not put people’s healthcare decisions to a vote. The medical and psychiatric community declares loudly that gender affirming care is the correct treatment for those with gender dysphoria who want it. It is not close to controversial among experts. It is terrifying to me to give elected officials the ability to override what medical organizations say are the best practices.
For those of you who are pro-choice, for decades conservatives have had to justify taking away the right to an abortion by some form of appeal to the existence of another human life. Pro-choice people chant, “my body, my choice”. But conservatives shout back: “but there is another person.” Then the debate is about personhood as well as the ethics of forcing anyone to allow another person to make use of their body for a time - which are at least shakier ground for pro-life folks. But if they are able to ban gender affirming care, simply because some elected officials and judges think it’s bad, the pro-life folks won’t need that argument anymore. They can just say, “No. The government has a right to make decisions about your body.”
Before pro-life readers get too excited, consider that with this precedent, it’s off to the races. Perhaps some group wants to ban vaccines entirely. Maybe another wants to say cancer treatments will not be available over a certain age because they are too expensive. It’s a hellish future, and the trans health care debate is 100% the key to opening pandora’s box.
Alternatively, we can just leave things as they are, and let doctors, patients, caretakers if needed, and therapists make the decisions, as happens with any other form of healthcare at any age.
Our fight for bodily autonomy is actually a fight for your bodily autonomy, too.
The freedom to dress however you feel, to call yourself what you want, to get your nails done if you want, or to have short hair if you want - these are all things that we normalize, which benefits you. We push the boundaries and prevent a return to a time where every working man wore the same suit, tie, and hat, every day. If you want to hear more, please read Billie Hoard’s new (and gorgeous) essay, On Queering your Straightness.
The world is full of color, and we want to bring more.
Our liberation is your liberation.
Trans rights are human rights.
But we need you
I went to a recent protest in Washington DC for transgender rights.
Maybe 1,000 people were there - a good crowd! We were loud and visible, and it was wonderful seeing so many trans people in one place.
But 1,000 people have near-zero voting power. We are incapable of assembling a “Million-Trans March.”
I’ve said over and over - we have almost no power. We’re maybe 1% of the population. There are 11 transgender state legislators in the entire country, and none in the US Congress14.
Which means, if we are the only ones fighting for us, we will lose.
There is a reason why fights for various rights have succeeded in the order they have:
1920: Women’s right to vote
1964: The Civil Rights Act
1990: The Americans with Disabilities Act
2015: Gay marriage
Each of those groups has fewer people than the last, unless I’m mistaken. It’s harder for smaller minorities to gain their rights15.
What does that mean? To quote President Nimbala from The West Wing16 “It’s a terrible thing, to beg for your life. Terrible.” But just as he was, I am in a position where I am required to beg for my life. And the life of my non-binary child.
I have to ask you to support us, not just with well-wishes, but with your votes and voices.
For those of you who are Christian, I urge you to consider Proverbs 31:8-9: “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
So… vote, please
If you currently just cannot bring yourself to vote for democrats (and I encourage you to do so up and down the ballot), I’d beg you to reconsider that. Fact check some things that are important to you. For example, I didn’t vote in 2016 and then I voted for Joe Biden in 2020 when I found out that Democratic administrations are actually better at reducing abortions than Republican ones. If you still can’t bring yourself to vote for a democrat, I respect that - but please, please don’t vote for Donald Trump and JD Vance.
I wish this was an “agree to disagree” situation, but the stakes are simply far higher for me and my family than they are for so many of you. And of course there are others for whom the stakes are even higher.
A Trump voter may believe (and might even be right!) that inflation will slow more under Trump than Harris, or housing prices will become more affordable.17
Those would be good things if they happened, I get it.
But you see how those things aren’t the same as what I’m talking about above, right?
A vote for Trump is an act of violence against your transgender neighbors. You can make an argument that we are collateral damage. That our suffering is worth it for some greater good. But that is the argument you have to make, because he has promised to inflict violence upon me and so many of my friends, including family.
Nex is still dead.
And I do not want more like them.
Please vote accordingly.
Love you all,
Celeste
Epilogue: A word to my transgender community
Friend. I have only one ask of you next week as election results come in: take care of yourself, and focus on getting through. Be around people you trust, and make a plan for how you will avoid any dangerous reactions to bad news if it’s happened. I’ve already discussed this with my partner, and she knows what to look for and how to keep me safe. I have my anti-anxiety meds on hand and ready if it gets to be too much.
But after that, please know: we will keep fighting, no matter who is President. We’re not going down easily. We have always existed, and we always will. Nothing can stop that. We’ll do our best to protect each other, help each other, and lean on allies for support. I’m in this with you - I do not intend to quit if Trump wins.
I know things are terrifying. This is one of the scariest things I’ve ever been through.
But we will get through it together.
And if Kamala Harris wins? I’ll be out there celebrating in the streets with you!
Love you all, really.
I literally cannot overstate how helpful the podcast “The Anti-Trans Hate Machine” has been in understanding where all of this is coming from.
Estimates put the total spend on anti-trans ads in the last several weeks at nearly $100M.
Abigail Thorn’s excellent video (covering Judith Butler’s excellent book) covers the scapegoating of trans people.
I mean this sincerely and in the technical meaning of the word. Since it’s been in the news recently that even Trump’s former Chief of Staff is calling him fascist (New York Times), I want to link to scholarly work on this. For that, please see the work of Jason Stanley, a son of holocaust survivors, and a professor studying fascism. You can read his very helpful book, “How Fascism Works” as a free pdf (or buy it on any book site), and also watch a short video from 2018 where he explains the fascist tendencies of Trump:
See Abigail Thorn’s video on How Death Changes Your Perspective, which goes into much greater detail on how a society perceives some deaths to be acceptable.
Yes, these ads focus on gender affirming surgeries for transgender inmates and detainees. Aside from these being unbelievably rare, it’s also just the law, which both Trump and Biden have followed. Inmates and detainees are entitled to health care, and gender affirming care is health care. As always, Erin Reed explains more here.
I have recently had surgery (orchiectomy) that means I require estrogen. Negative health impacts like loss of bone density can occur if I have neither of the sex hormones, and my body no longer produces meaningful testosterone (and I will never, ever take it willingly).
I also still require electrolysis hair removal and am intending to get Gender Confirmation Surgery, both of which I need insurance coverage for.
From MSNBC: “Project 2025 aims to define anything related to sex, gender, or sexuality, as pornography. Its goal is to paint the very idea of people who are not straight and cis-gender as obscene, dangerous, and ultimately illegal. “The whole point is to erase the idea that trans people are real,” says Imara Jones, CEO of TransLash Media. “It's not going to stop there. I don't know an authoritarian regime that has targeted one group of people that stopped.”
From Daily Wire
Creator of “Libs of TikTok”
For most teens, they need to be worried more about dying in a car accident than by their own hand. For trans kids, they appear to be somewhere around 10 times more likely to die by suicide.
That will change if Sarah McBride wins her race for congress in Delaware!
Undocumented immigrants are also under acute attack at the moment, in part because they likewise hold no political power. Islamophobia is similar as well.
Season 2, Episode 4. President Nimbala’s country was being destroyed by HIV, and he was coming to America to ask for help getting life-saving drugs. The episode was and is heartbreaking.
It’s complicated, and I just don’t know.
Nex is also Indigenous
This is so well said. Thank you for sharing it so generously with us.
There have been several articles on the economic consequences and housing crisis that project voting for Trump on that basis is also, perhaps, unwise 😁