Child Sacrifice is Not Christian

Responding to The Gospel Coalition's article by the parent of a young trans woman

Strong Content Warnings and Trigger Warnings for Transphobia and Mentions of Suicide

Monday, November 20th, was Transgender Day of Remembrance, on which we remember those trans lives lost to both violence and suicide in the past year¹. The latter are frequently influenced by rejection from their family, as The Trevor Project reports that having a supportive family reduces the risk of suicide attempt for LGBTQ+ youth from 16% to 6%, well over half. Supportive families save lives.

Thursday, November 23rd, was Thanksgiving, a day on which many trans individuals are separated from their families not by distance, but by rejection. Families who simply tell their children either that they will not be welcome, or who have a history of deadnaming or misgendering, or even bullying trans people if they interact. And some families who have ceased all communication with trans people.

In between those two dates, on Wednesday, November 22nd, the conservative evangelical platform The Gospel Coalition (TGC) published an article by “Anonymous”, titled: I Love My Transgender Child. I Love Jesus More.

Anonymous says that they are a parent, and that their child came out as transgender at the age of 18. What follows is them explaining why they absolutely will not ever affirm their child’s transition and won’t even use her name and pronouns. The author portrays themselves as a grieving, emotionally drained father, caught between their love of their child and their love of their Lord.

My article here is for that father and for other parents like them. I’ve also included a short message at the end for children of parents like Anonymous.

One note before I begin walking through it. The article misgenders the child throughout, including using exclusively masculine pronouns for this transgender woman. In my quotations, I have used square brackets to replace the misgenderings (e.g., “[she]” where “he” had previously been used). If a name had been presented, I would have redacted it, as repeating a deadname is never acceptable (just like journalists censor racial slurs).

The article doesn’t say that their child came out as a trans woman or non-binary. I am assuming the former² and have thus gendered the child as female (she/her, daughter, woman) throughout. If I am wrong about that, I’ll be happy to fix it with different pronouns.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

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Responding to the Article

Dear Anonymous,

From here out, I’ll respond to your article (I have quoted all of it here). As a transgender Christian woman myself, it was unspeakably painful to read, both knowing the pain you’ve inflicted on your child, and the pain you’ve had inflicted on you by Christian leaders telling you how you must treat your child this way. If you hear nothing else, hear this: You can love Jesus and you can love your transgender daughter as the incredible woman who Jesus loves. The two are not contradictory. Given your love for your child, I suspect that last sentence is actually your deepest wish. And it’s true. It’s true. If even an ounce of you thinks I might be right, or even just hopes I’m right, please keep reading.

“Jesus connects family strife to bearing a cross (Luke 14:26–27), and I’m beginning to understand these verses personally. Following Jesus has led to a type of death between my oldest [daughter] and me, my wife, and our other children.” - Anonymous

You begin with a “bear my cross” statement - an ironclad statement that you are following Jesus, even to places you would not want to go. And of course, most Christians would agree with that sentiment, including myself. The question is not if we need to bear our cross when the time comes. It’s whether or not the time has come. While suffering for Christ’s sake has been a part of many Christian lives, how many have suffered not for Jesus, but for foolishness. Undoubtedly, you have no challenge thinking of Christians throughout history who have thrown their lives away thinking they were obeying Jesus, for a cause we now see as foolish or even evil.

We must be wise before we enter into suffering for Christ’s sake and ensure that it’s necessary. He would not want us to throw away our lives and relationships for no reason.

My [daughter] professed faith in Jesus at a young age. [She] consistently engaged in spiritual conversations with me, our family, and our church family. We taught the Scriptures in our home through words and actions.

I assume this is all true, and if so, it’s commendable. Well done. I also urge you to consider the work of the Holy Spirit in those who believe and who meditate on the word of God. Psalm 1 tells us that they are like a tree planted near a flowing river. If you have done as you say above, then you have every reason to believe your daughter still believes (you say later on that she does).

So it came as a shock to us when, last year, [she] stated [she] had gender dysphoria and wondered if [she] was transgender. Within a few months, our 18-year-old firmly believed [she] was transgender and that an LGBT+ identity was compatible with Scripture’s teaching.

First, I want to point out something I think you missed. Your child is not saying they no longer care what Scripture says. She is not renouncing faith in Jesus. I am told every day on Twitter that, “it’s wrong to affirm sin.” And the answer I always give is “I agree, but we have different opinions on what is sin.”

Every single one of us sins in ways we are unaware of. And furthermore, some of those are ways that our church or culture is unaware of. Presbyterians are usually paedobaptists while Baptists are credobaptists. Each thinks the other is sinfully wrong, but John Piper and Tim Keller could easily share a meal. TGC is full of both.

Some hold to a more strict patriarchal view, where others have a softer complementarianism, and still others are egalitarian. Someone is wrong, and sinfully so.

On and on we go, down the list of possible actions, each one further dividing until you realize that nearly every pair of Christians disagrees on something significant. And yet, we’re able to do what Albert Mohler calls “theological triage” and have unity in the body of Christ despite our disagreements.

You and your daughter disagree on whether or not gender transition is sinful. But the topic is not part of any ancient creed, and barely (if at all) touched on in scripture.

Is there room in your heart for you to accept your daughter as your child, whom you love, and have a disagreement with? Is it possible you’re the one who’s wrong here? I hope you’ll keep reading.

Asking Why

My wife and I had many questions swirling in our minds: What had happened to our [daughter]? Did we do something wrong? Why didn’t God protect [her]? As we look back on what contributors might have led our [daughter] to this lifestyle, we can only land on a few.

Certainly 60 years ago if you’d had a child enter an interracial marriage, you might have wondered the same things (90% of Americans disapproved of interracial marriage at the time). Today, I hope you recognize that those who would have wondered that were wrong to do so, causing strife and division by their strict adherence to their belief. Undoubtedly, they were 100% sincere in their view. But they were also 100% wrong. How much suffering could have been avoided if the elder generation had said, “I don’t understand that, but I see your faith in Christ is strong, and I believe that you believe you are following him, and so I wish you nothing but the best of marriages. I’ll also continue to try to learn from you, in good faith, to see why you believe as you do.”

As for “we can only land on a few”, this is one of the most frustrating parts of being transgender. We scream from the top of our lungs that we say we are transgender because we are transgender. We know our minds. We feel the agony of living in a body that does not match what we expect to see in the mirror. And yet, because our cisgender friends and family can’t possibly know what that feels like, and frequently won’t even try to imagine it, they doubt that we feel the way we feel. So let me just answer your question: Your daughter came out as transgender because she is transgender.

Being transgender is hard on its own, but excruciating when you factor in the hate we face every day. Within the last several weeks, I’ve been called a pedophile, a fetishist, “it”, and so many other things no one should ever be called. I assume you know your daughter is not a pedophile or fetishist and is not an “it”. You know what’s heartbreaking? Many of those accusations come from Christians. Frequently evangelical pastors. And you know what hurts more? I’ve never once seen TGC publish an article telling evangelical pastors to stop slandering LGBTQ+ people.

Many of us, as you know, lose family or friends - people we care deeply about who simply won’t hear us when we say who we are. I would not have come out if I didn’t feel deeply that transition is right for me.

It’s very frustrating that you don’t even list “our child is suffering from gender dysphoria and wants to address it with gender transition” as a possible reason for her coming out as transgender, given that this is what the vast majority of trans people will tell you if you ask them why they are transitioning.

First, an old friendship came back into our [daughter’s] life during COVID shutdowns and grew over time. This friend was moving through the spectrum of the LGBT+ community. My wife and I encouraged our [daughter] to be faithful to the Word, which included showing love and grace to [her] friend.

Showing love and grace to her friend was good! But here’s something the LGBTQIA+ community believes wholeheartedly: you cannot turn someone gay or trans. This is why the “groomer” rhetoric is so ridiculous to us. Not only do we not think we can turn others gay or trans, we wouldn’t even try. I’ve recommended that friends buy any number of products I’m passionate about (You’re welcome, Sephora). But I’ve never even dreamed of telling a friend to consider gender transition. Why would I?

My friend

Billie

has written at length about viewing queerness as a contaminant, which is what you’re doing here. Presumably your daughter has had dozens of cisgender friends throughout her life, and the rest of your family is both cisgender and heterosexual, or at least lives as such. Why does the one friend who is queer outweigh every single straight cisgender person your daughter knew? The fact is: straight people don’t become gay simply because they met a gay person. And cisgender people don’t become transgender just because they met a trans person. Rest assured - the only thing having a queer friend did was likely just humanize queer people and reduce fears your daughter had about them.

You seem to believe that knowing one queer person is a more powerful influence the Word of God. If I may, that’s a very low view of Scripture.

Second, a few other people who had meaningful relationships with my [daughter] expressed to [her] their belief that LGBT+ lifestyles can align with Christianity.

I’m glad she had those people in her life. What’s interesting here is that it doesn’t seem like you’ve actually listened to her or those other people. It took me until I was nearly 40 before I learned that LGBTQ+ people could be serious Christians. I wrote about how I came to that view here.

In fact, finding those strong LGBTQ+ Christians finally gave me the freedom to understand my own gender identity - something that had never been safe to do before.

While my [daughter] currently believes all LGBT+ identities are compatible with Christianity, [she] has also admitted [her] relationship with Jesus isn’t great.

I’ll be honest - there are times when I think about giving up on Christianity. Not because of Jesus - in fact he’s the one that constantly pulls me back. But because of Christians. The hate they throw at me all the time frequently makes me wonder why I stay and accept their abusive language. I’m in a progressive church now, one that loves me - all of me - and I enjoy it, but the larger Christian culture in the US right now makes it hard to want to put “Christian” in my Twitter bio. And I don’t have parents writing anonymous letters about how painful my transition is to them on prominent evangelical websites. I can’t imagine how much more that would push me away from any expression of Christianity.

[Her] mom and I know that if [she’s] a genuine believer, [she] must turn from the sin [she’s] in, because “those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:19–21; 1 Cor. 6:9–10). If [she] embraces this lifestyle, [she] doesn’t give evidence of genuine trust in and obedience to Jesus.

See what I wrote above - you and I both sin in ways we are aware of and unaware of. By saying that your daughter is only a genuine believer if she turns from what you say is sin, but she does with a clear conscience, you’re holding her to a much higher bar than yourself.

Think of it this way: what if she’s right? If she’s right, then your treatment of her is profoundly unloving, judging her for things God does not. Paul had strong words for the Galatians (and Peter!) when they did the same. If your daughter is right, you are in serious sin right now. Let me ask you this: Do you think the grace of Christ would cover you in that case? Do you think it covered Jonathan Edwards who owned slaves, or Martin Luther who advocated for violent antisemitism, laying the groundwork for the holocaust? I suspect you trust that Jesus’ blood is indeed powerful enough to wash you clean even of stains you didn’t know you had.

Why is the grace of Christ not strong enough for your daughter, if indeed she professes faith and simply disagrees with you on whether or not gender transition is sin? By your words, she’s not in willful disobedience. She truly believes (like me), that her transition is acceptable, maybe even good.

I desperately want you to see the good news here: your daughter disagreeing with you does not mean that all is lost, even if you’re right about transition being sin. Christians bear with each other across disagreements every day. If we didn’t, the Christian life would be awfully lonely.

Since my [daughter] made [her] decision, I’ve read about potential triggers and causes for why individuals can be drawn into LGBT+ identities.

I wonder, did you ask LGBTQIA+ people about these “triggers and causes”? Or did you listen to evangelicals who are anti-LGBTQIA+ to begin with? My experience is that when anti-LGBTQIA+ people speak about us, they nearly always get it wrong - simply speculating on this or that, without ever actually providing any evidence for their assertions. The most famous of these for transgender people is the completely debunked concept of “Rapid onset gender dysphoria”. It’s wrong - purely wrong. And yet it forms a full chapter in Preston Sprinkle’s book Embodied³, which argues against gender transition for Christians. I don’t know which theories you’ve heard of, but please make sure you listen to actual LGBTQIA+ voices about our stories, not just the narratives written about us by those who oppose us. I’m here if you want to talk - you can email me at celeste.irwin@outlook.com.

Whether there are real internal or external pulls, I’ve come to realize that, at some point, I have to simply surrender to the Lord that I don’t know what I don’t know. I pray that’s not a lazy response on my part but instead an admission of surrender to the Lord. He knows and he sees, and the greatest answer for my [daughter] and for my family is Jesus. But saying that is much easier than living it out.

If it’s not too harsh to say, I believe that is a lazy response, when you could be reading books like Austen Hartke’s Transforming, or Shannon Kearns In the Margins. Both are transgender Christians, and both write well about their experience of being trans and Christian. I also love Bridget Eileen Rivera’s book Heavy Burdens as well. She is less “affirming” than Hartke and Kearns, but she lays out the case for at least letting this be an area where good faith Christians can disagree. You would learn a lot from these books. Surely your love of your daughter would drive you to at least want to hear their side and truly understand her, even if you end up still disagreeing?

Loving Our [Daughter]

For months after [her] announcement, our [daughter] was mostly closed and antagonistic toward us. As [she] became more confident in [her] views, [she] opened up more. Today [she’s] cordial, but there have been many roadblocks on this journey.

Please understand that your posture toward your daughter is antagonistic. Maybe hers toward you was as well, but it sure sounds like she desperately wants you to accept her or even be polite to her, and you are refusing to do so. I’m not sure how you expected her to react to that? I have had discussions about my transition with non-affirming Christians in which I’ve gotten a little heated and they’ve stayed relatively calm. Please understand that this isn’t because they’re more even-tempered than I am. It’s because for me, this is incredibly personal. For them, it’s something happening to someone else. It’s much easier for you to tell your daughter not to transition than for her to live with a lifetime of gender dysphoria⁴. I was personally outraged when I read your article, and writing this response took a heavy emotional toll, as I’ve attempted to moderate my tone throughout, while still allowing you to see some of my honest feelings.

For example, when [she] was finally willing to talk with us, [she] communicated [her] hope that we’d call [her] by [her] new chosen name and pronouns. We knew we couldn’t do that. At one point, [she] said that by not using [her] preferred name and pronouns, we weren’t doing the bare minimum to love [her].

Hearing that crushed our hearts. But we thought, How could we affirm an identity that ignores God’s goodness for [her] and ignores the goodness of the physical body? How can we ignore that our [daughter] is making [herself] central and not Jesus? And, God, why is this happening?

In these two paragraphs, you misgender her eleven times (roughly seventy times in the article as a whole if I’ve counted correctly). In paragraphs about how uncomfortable misgendering her makes her. I cannot tell you how awful it feels to be misgendered intentionally. To have someone say that their view of me matters more than my own. It’s painful. Someone accidentally called me “sir” on the phone twice last week and I nearly broke down in tears after he failed to accept correction the first time. I got through the call, and he switched to “ma’am”, but it was rough.

So, let’s talk about your options.

First, for the name, just use it. People can go by any name they want. I’d guess that most names have been used both for boys and girls at this point and many names we think of as feminine today were masculine 100 years ago, and vice versa. There’s nothing intrinsically gendered about most names. Furthermore, if your child pursues legal transition, they may legally be that new name. For example, I am now legally Celeste Jamie Irwin, according to San Bernardino County, the State of California, and the US government. To call me any other name is not only rude but also factually incorrect. You may not like the name, but you have no right to call someone by a name they do not wish to be called. IF your child is open to it, and IF your child has chosen a very feminine name⁵, then you might talk with your child to see if there is a nickname you could call them for now that feels less gendered to you. For example, I told some friends that I might be willing to accept my initials “CJ” for a while, assuming they were respectful otherwise. But this is entirely up to them and how they feel. Gender dysphoria is awful and sometimes unpredictable. And a new name can feel amazing to finally be seen as. It also communicates to the trans person that you’re at least care about them enough to call them by their chosen name. Let me say this clearly: I would not continue a relationship with someone who refused to call me by my name.

Second, for the pronouns. I’d urge you to consider that you are making a linguistic claim, not a moral one. Your assertion is that pronouns must correspond to the anatomy present at birth⁶. But that’s just not how people use pronouns. It’s very rare that I see someone’s genitals, and even more rare that I see evidence that they have always had those genitals. Yet I confidently use the pronouns “he”, “she”, or sometimes an uncertain “they” all the time, and I suspect you do as well. You almost certainly have actually referred to a transgender person by their preferred pronouns before, without knowing that they were transgender. Maybe your barista, maybe a co-worker. Pronouns correspond to what the person wants to be called. They’re a shorthand for the name, nothing more. Most linguists accept that language is defined by how people use it (descriptivist language), not some ironclad rules (prescriptivist language). You may have referred to ships, cars, countries, robots, wisdom (see Proverbs), and more as “she”. You may have confidently gendered insects or animals as “he” or “she”, without an ounce of rationale for why you did so. News articles until very recently used “he” as a generic pronoun for an unknown person (e.g., “If someone sees the cat, he should call animal control immediately.”) Imagine how your daughter would feel if she heard you refer to the USS Enterprise, Siri, or the United States as “she”, while you’d never do the same for her. If you can use “he” and “she” for inanimate or unknown people and creatures, surely the presence of a natal penis or vagina is not the only factor in deciding which pronoun to use for people? In our time, “she”, when applied to a human, usually just means “a person who uses the pronoun ‘she’”. There is absolutely no biblical argument why it can’t mean that. The Bible doesn’t contain rules for language⁷.

You really can just start using your daughter’s name and pronouns right now (I suspect an apology to her would be incredibly meaningful, and I believe she deserves that much), and it absolutely would still not mean that you approve of her gender transition. It just means you’re willing to be a little uncomfortable in order to spare her great pain. Isn’t that exactly what parents do for their children all the time?

And if you can’t get to “she”, then please, please use “they/them.” Those still might not be great - you still might be offending your daughter. But it’s maybe those are at least less offensive. They’re at least gender neutral⁸. Speaking of which, throughout this article, you used the word “son” when you could have just used “child.” There’s absolutely no reason why you needed to do that. “Child” is grammatically correct, easily understood, and doesn’t imply a gender of any kind. Your use of “son” doesn’t communicate love for your daughter. It communicates not just a failure to accept, but rather an open hostility. It’s a verbal middle finger to her when you have perfectly good options that are nowhere near as antagonistic.

You will make mistakes - friends and family still sometimes get my name or pronouns wrong. I have a nonbinary child and I still sometimes get their pronouns wrong. We work on it - the important thing is intent. Yours shows that it’s more important for you to demonstrate your commitment to traditional views on gender to the world than it is to demonstrate your commitment to care and love to your daughter.

During one conversation, when we said we couldn’t use [her] preferred name and pronouns, [she] said to us, “Then I can’t guarantee I won’t kill myself.” [She] eventually went to [her] room, wailing and weeping profusely. My wife and I were also crying, feeling helpless. Certainly, it’d be easier to simply call [her] by [her] preferred name and pronouns. Certainly, it’d be easier to celebrate the things [she] celebrates.

First, calling her by her name and pronouns is not the same as celebrating the things she celebrates. I have friends who call me my name and pronouns who have made it very clear that they believe my transition is sin. I’ve told them that I believe their failure to accept me for who I am is sin. We’ve agreed to disagree, and try to be friends across that disagreement, and I think both sides have benefited. But I’ll be shocked (and elated) if I see them flying a Pride flag any time soon.

Second, I have good news: as I said above, you can use her name and pronouns! And it sounds like it’ll make a huge difference to her - it might even be lifesaving.

And third: Your hardness of heart breaks my own. Your child is saying she may commit suicide if you continue to treat her this way. Tragically, she would not be the first. And you sit there “helpless”. But you’re not helpless. You really can go to her right now and say, “We’re sorry, [Name]. We’ll call you by what you want to be called. We still disagree, but you have a right to decide what you will and won’t be called, and we want to respect that.”

In these moments, it’s hard to remember that the change [she’s] asking for will harm [her] not only spiritually but also mentally and physically.

I hope it comes as a comfort to know, “mentally and physically” is false. Gender affirming care is the recommendation for treatment of gender dysphoria by every major US medical organization including those specializing in psychology, psychiatry, and endocrinology. You can (and should) read much more about gender affirming care here. Gender affirming care helps trans people both mentally and physically, with a regret rate lower than 2% (that’s better than most common medical treatment). I know in the last few years a lot of misinformation has been spread about it, and I urge you to start with the links above and do your own research.

Last year, my [daughter] suffered severe depression and suicidal ideation, admitting [herself] to the ER during Christmas break. It was the bleakest Christmas my family had ever experienced, and those weeks led to months of wondering if I would find my child dead in [her] room. Our questions persisted: Why can’t we just hold [her] and make everything better? Does God care?

You can just hold her and make everything better. And God does care. God gave you an amazing daughter. She didn’t look the way you thought she would, but I guarantee you she’s a blessing beyond what you’ve imagined, if you’d only let her be.

As I mentioned at the start, trans youth who are rejected by family are more than twice as likely to attempt suicide, according to The Trevor Project. Transgender Day of Remembrance, which I mentioned earlier, exists to remember those we lost. I pray your own daughter will not someday be among the names read in services across the country. A woman whose life was cut short by despair when her family insisted on calling her a name she knew wasn’t hers.

Loving Jesus More

When my [daughter] thought we hated [her], [she] didn’t realize our love for Jesus (and for [her]) is greater than [she] could imagine.

Please think about why you put “and for [her]” in parenthesis. Is your love for her really just something you mention as an afterthought?

In Luke 14:26, when Jesus tells his disciples they’d have to “hate” their children, he wasn’t speaking of literal hatred. The Scriptures are replete with God’s good commands to enjoy and sacrificially love our children (Deut. 4:9; Prov. 17:6; Isa. 49:15–16; Mal. 4:6; Col. 3:21; Eph. 6:1–4). Jesus doesn’t contradict this. Instead, he’s emphasizing the degree of the sacrifice you make when you love Jesus. Your love for Jesus can be viewed by your family, even your children, as hatred.

I’d like you to observe something: you rightly note that Jesus “wasn’t speaking of literal hatred”. You confidently assert that what many might call the “plain reading” of the text isn’t the whole story. And yet, when it comes to gender transition, you haven’t even presented any scripture to back up your case that it’s sin. The ones I’ve typically seen used (Gen 1:27, Deut 22:5, and Matthew 19:4) are definitely not talking about trans people. Two are just assertions that men and women exist, made by God. You’ll get no disagreement from me. Deuteronomy is probably addressing cross-dressing in some context, and I’ve heard a variety of hypotheses. None can be used definitively, and each could easily be addressed the same way you addressed Luke 14:26. Let me ask you this: why are you so quick to move past the plain reading on Luke 14:26, but refuse to consider the complexity in other verses that are used to condemn LGBTQIA+ people?

The reality is that my wife and I love our [daughter], and we’ve always wanted to love what [she] loves because we love [her]. Yet in this, we couldn’t affirm [her]. We couldn’t “delight in evil.” We had to “delight in the truth” even if our [daughter] felt like our love was actually hatred (1 Cor. 13).

1 Corinthians 13 also speaks of a love that is patient and kind. Using someone’s preferred pronouns and name is both kind and patient. Misgendering them and deadnaming them repeatedly, gratuitously (when you have other options), is what Paul would call a clanging symbol. Once again, I promise - no one will mistake this act of politeness as affirmation. You won’t be delighting in evil. You’ll just be kind.

She and I must die to ourselves for a few reasons:

1. Jesus is life and the only way to living life to the fullest.

2. Our words and actions can point our [daughter] to [her] need for Jesus.

3. We trust that dying to self leads to greater life and praise to God.

We know every parent has to die to self to truly love his or her child. It’s a pattern we set from the beginning. Our children don’t always know what they want or what’s best for them. And we don’t either, which is why we have to trust Jesus and his Word.

I simply don’t have words for how upset it makes me to see you talk about dying to yourself when your daughter’s literal life is on the line. You are arguing that your obedience to your God demands that you treat your child in ways that the Bible likens to murder and could easily result in her actual death. There is a term for that: Child Sacrifice. Jesus does not ever demand child sacrifices. Ever. If your “love of Christ” is contributing to the death of your child, then you have to know that you’re not walking in the way of Christ.

This is good news. Please hear it for what it is - you really can truly love your daughter. You can have the amazing relationship with her that so many parents of trans kids will tell you has been nothing but a blessing. You don’t have to lose her. And I don’t want you to lose her either to suicide or estrangement.

Edited to add: Kalie May, writing for the Center for Prophetic Imagination, wrote a brilliant essay titled “When Child Sacrifice Still Remains” about how TGC’s article advocates for child sacrifice, and how even the story of Abraham and Isaac should push us to reject such calls, always. Similarly, I recommend the excellent Saying the Deadly Part Out Loud: How TGC's Stance on Trans Youth is Child Sacrifice for Our Bible App.

Regularly, my wife and I admit the only way we can follow Jesus through these tumultuous waters is by the sustaining grace God gives in Jesus. My [daughter’s] struggles have shown us our dependence on Jesus. And as we gaze at our Savior, we see how Jesus’s death was the only one that blossomed into resurrection life—not only for himself but for all who trust him as their Savior and Lord.

If I’m resting in Jesus and looking to him, my continued death—resulting from my child’s spiritual blindness—can only mean more life. This doesn’t mean I’ll always get the things I think I should receive. But it does mean God wastes no deaths that share in Christ’s suffering.

Here, you finally managed to use “child”. I wish badly that you’d think about why you didn’t do that throughout.

As for the rest, once again, talking of your own “death” when you could literally lose your child… I don’t have words for that. Your daughter must be in so much pain, and I pray that either you can find a way to support her, or that she can find a loving community apart from you. She deserves that.

To the woman

You are beloved by God. I am so sorry your parents chose to act this way and write this letter. If you somehow see this, and there’s some way I can help, please feel free to reach out. There are loving Christian and non-Christian communities out there who both welcome and want LGBTQIA+ people in them, and I hope you can find one that takes you in and loves you the way you deserve, the way Jesus would love you. I’m sending you all the love and hugs. I will be praying for you.

With love,

Celeste Irwin

1. Here is what I wrote on Twitter that day:

Today, we remember our trans siblings no longer with us, precious lives unjustly cut short. They were our neighbors, loved by God every bit as much as any of our cisgender siblings.

We remember those disproportionately murdered, the most vulnerable of us, those Christ would have dined with: - Black Trans Women, marginalized multiple ways - Trans Sex Workers, rejected by safer employment - Unhoused Trans People, cast out of their homes

We remember those who died by deaths of despair, particularly suicide or substance abuse, those for whom the world's hate and rejection were too heavy, and for whom health care (including mental health) was insufficient or inaccessible.

We remember those whose trans identities were stifled or never allowed to be seen, or were erased in their deaths. The dead buried under their deadnames, either because no one knew, or because of a final act of hateful cruelty.

We remember that Christ insists that cutting people off with insults or summary "You fool" judgments is akin to murder, and that so many of us, still living, have felt cut off from our siblings in the body of Christ.

We mourn each of those we lost. Tomorrow, we will let it drive us to keep fighting for a more just future where the world can see the beauty it's been trying to crush.

We invite our cisgender friends to see and share our grief and pain. To remember souls - blindingly beautiful souls - that were taken far too soon. Those we know of and those we do not.

We remember. We mourn. We grieve. We feel. Heartbreak. Anger. Rage. Exhaustion. And always, *always*: Love. We remember. We will always remember.

2. In part because my experience with conservatives is that they typically see non-binary identities as even more notable, and it would be strange for the parent to write this without noting that. But I absolutely could have been wrong and I went back and forth a lot about which pronouns to use in this article.

3. My friend Billie Hoard is in the process of writing a very detailed critique of Embodied. I highly recommend reading it starting here.

4. For more on this topic, see this beautiful Instagram post by Carlos Rodriguez, or this YouTube Video on transphobia starting at the 11:50 mark by Abigail Thorn (she is a trans woman and had not yet transitioned when she made this video).

carloshappynpo

A post shared by @carloshappynpo

5. The list of names that can be for any gender is far longer than you’d think. For example, while “Celeste” is most commonly a woman’s name in the United States, it’s used for both men and women in France.

6. To make a stark point of it, fundamentally, you are arguing that the word “he” is defined as, “a person who had a penis at birth”, and “she” as “a person who had a vagina at birth.”

7. And definitely contains no rules for English language which didn’t exist yet and is continually changing.

8. And please don’t entertain some argument about the linguistic issues of a singular they. You already use “you” for both plural and singular, and “they” has a long tradition of singular usage.